Myths on Introversion

The landscape of personality types have always fascinated me. Increasingly so, the older I get, because I am finding that I am discovering parts of myself that need further clarification. For the past couple years, I've been giving a lot of thought to the spectrum of introversion and extroversion. And in my attempts to sort out the pieces of me that I am being introduced to, I have been aligning myself onto the array of personality types to better understand the way that I think, work, and feel.

It is no secret that I am an introvert. I am an INFJ (Myers-Briggs) through and through, and I am proud of it. Amidst all this though, certain myths have come to light in terms of introversion that I want to clarify -- in my own point of view, and my own experience anyway.

Contrary to my degree in Psychology, I have no expertise in this field of study. I've read about it in textbooks and have written essays on the topic, but I surely have no qualifications that deem me to be scientifically and empirically sound. Essentially, these are just my thoughts on introversion as an introvert. Maybe they don't ring true for all introverts, but they are truths that I live out everyday for myself, and so I thought I'd share em' anyway.

1 | WE'RE NOT ALL QUIET

Growing up, I never thought that I was an introvert. My voice has always been fairly loud -- ringing at a higher decibel than most. My laughter has always been more boisterous than gracious, and I was always being told to "quiet down" or "use my inside voice."

Truth be told, this loudness was one of my biggest insecurities that I carried with me consistently. People commenting on the volume of my voice was something that irked me and weighed heavily on my heart regularly. I lacked control over the echoes that sounded off from my mouth, and it bothered me that it bothered others.

Having said that, the simple level at which I spoke or laughed made me think that I was extroverted. However, I have come to realize now that speech volume is wholly disentangled from personality. Just because I was heard more doesn't mean that I was inherently more sociable. There are in fact quiet extroverts and loud introverts, and to think otherwise is a disservice to the multitude of variations that make us all unique.

2 | WE'RE NOT SNOBBY

Sometimes, it becomes easy to perceive introverts as standoffish. I personally struggle to initiate first-contact with others, especially in foreign social situations. I am a "stand-in-the-corner" kind of gal for the most part, rather than an "approach with a hand extended towards you, ready to introduce myself" type of person. I'm not judging you, and I most definitely don't think I am better than you. I promise. I am simply off in my own head, trying to think of ways to approach you (and mentally running all the variations of that scenario again and again). I desire to be warm and inviting, but in my nervousness, that intent gets muddled and I end up appearing aloof and distant.

Trust me on this, just because I am introverted doesn't mean I don't want to be friends. Truly, I do. It would just be easier to start that friendship if you approached first. I would be forever grateful, and I'm sure I'm not the only introvert who shares the sentiment.

3 | WE DON'T HATE GOING OUT

On the contrary, I love doing things with the people I love. It's just that being surrounded by people on an ongoing basis wears me out. I easily get exhausted when I've got back-to-back plans with no rest days in between. I dislike being lonely just like any other person, but there is an urgency for introverts to find the time to be alone. Moments of stillness, of quiet, and of isolation are necessary for us in order to be able to exist.

My battery depletes when I am ceaselessly giving myself to others in social situations, and I need to recharge my energy through "alone-time" in order to be able to give you the time and attention that you rightfully deserve.

Stay gold,

Kimberly